There have been two occasions in the past ten years where I found it particularly hard to let go of someone after the relationship ended. I constantly obsessively thought about them, to the point where I made myself sick. I’d be frustrated and furious over the one-sided obsession.
Why hasn’t he reached out? Wasn’t he missing me like crazy?
I should mention that both of these relationships ended on good terms. Our lives were taking us in different directions. I came to terms with the end. But still, the intense limerence persisted.
Did he really not have a teensy-weensy bit of urge to see me?
Eventually, I started to pull myself out of that gloom and did things to solidify my commitment to moving on.
I erased their numbers. Deleted pictures, even the ones in the archives that Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat like to hold on to. And I disconnected from them on social media.
A clean break.
Neither of those guys reached out to me again. I told myself that maybe someday they’d come across me again, see that I was with someone new, and for a moment, they’d feel a mix of jealousy, regret, and happiness, knowing I was doing well.
But here’s something that I didn’t expect…
The summer before I moved to Texas, I had a friendship that turned into a bit of a summer fling. Well, a summer fling was all it was to me.
The last time we spoke was soon after I moved to Texas. He mentioned making a lot of changes in his life, which included deleting our pictures. I didn’t understand why he’d want to erase our 3 years of friendship. But you do you, boo.
Soon after, I noticed we were no longer connected on socials.
Then there was that text he never replied to.
So there I was, on the other side of limerence. While I did feel hurt over the loss of the friendship, I was shocked to realize how close I was to indifference over the loss of the romantic connection.
About a year later, I looked him up. He’s engaged.
But I didn’t feel jealousy or regret. I was just content that he was happy.
I imagine those guys were probably indifferent after the relationship ended, too. And if they ever look me up, their thoughts will likely be similar.
“Good for her” and nothing more.
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